Fighting A Plume Of Fruit Flies

I had just come back to work from my anticipated week "off" after we took possession of our Condo in October 2007. (I don't really think it was a vacation as I worked harder physically than I would have normally sitting in my ergonomically correct chair watching my bottom get bigger and bigger with each passing day). Anyway, I fire up the old work PC and open my e-mail. 58 new e-mails. Yikes. I'm no one important but somehow I had managed to accumulate a massive amount of reasonably significant e-mails. Most of them were for the United Way Silent Auction & Womanless Beauty Pageant I was coordinating at the time. Some were actually business related and others were just run-of-the-mill forwards from co-workers. It took me forty minutes to clean out my inbox and respond to everyone.

Had I known what was in store for me, I may have taken longer to read e-mails. Now for the "good part"…..

My e-mail has been taken care of I can put my purse in my desk and maybe go get a coffee. I pull on the bottom drawer and find it to be locked. Hmm I hardly ever remember to lock my desk and really, the most anyone can steal would be a few heart shaped push pins, my coffee bags and some empty bottles. I unlock it and pull it out just far enough to allow myself to be brutally attacked by a plume (we're talking HUNDREDS) of fruit flies. I utter an "Oh my god." and then pause to frown while I deliberate how to handle this situation. I start waving around frantically with my arms – I am sure any watchful coworkers thought I was crazy – flies are everywhere flying around my head, landing on every corner of my desk and going back in to my drawer to hang out. I start to feel itchy but I know I have to get the empty juice/soy containers out of my desk and in the garbage. Mission accomplished. I had to tie the garbage bag shut to keep the slower flies from coming out to join their family (normally I wouldn't condone splitting up large families for my own personal gain, but in this case I feel it was necessary).

For the rest of the day I would consistently hear people around the floor exclaiming: "What the hell? Where are all of these fruit flies coming from?" I sank lower into my seat, turned up my music and pretended to work diligently all the while trying to remain inconspicuous. This was hard to accomplish when there are about 30 - 40 fruit flies hanging out on the pillar behind my desk. I tried my best to disperse them away from me as to not draw attention to my fly folly. I only told one person on the whole floor my dirty little secret, and she would e-mail me from time to time for the next week to tell me that "some of my children" were at her desk and some had come home with her. She informed me that none of them were able to sustain life for more than a few days. RIP little fruit flies, RIP.