Third Time Was NOT A Charm

I am 26 years old and I do not have a driver’s license. Shocking! I know. Here is why:

The first time I went for my test I was 18 and I am pretty sure I got the one guy who couldn’t tell his leg from his arm….he told me to turn down one way streets…going the wrong way…and then docked me points for it! I was merely doing as I was instructed and I was more than a little angry with this man and his trickery. Anyway, long story short I lost 45 points.

The second time I went I was 18.5 and I am pretty sure I got the nicest man ever. This left me feeling confident and I was going to get it without issue. He asked me what my "weakest" driving skill was and I said Parallel Parking. So he said "Let's just get that out of the way so you can pass your test and drive away with your license." This sounded like a good deal….until I hit the car in front of me….while parking. The moment the two bumpers made contact I closed my eyes and swore at myself.

Thankfully there was no damage. I had hit an old 80's Ford Tempo with a black plastic bumper to match the old 80's Honda with a black plastic bumper I was sporting. But the idea that I had hit another car sent the instructor into “it’s going to be okay” mode. He just kept telling me not to panic and “it happens all the time” (however later when I asked him if anyone else had hit a car on their test with him he had responded with silence and then “No, you’re the first….”). He was obviously worried I was going to flip out and start to cry uncontrollably. That's not my style. I opted to get out of the car and kick the front tire with a scowl on my face. After all of the commotion we got back in the car. He made me finish the test.

When we finally got back to SGI I came in to find Jimmy anxiously waiting to see if he should cheer at me or cheer me up. Then the instructor did something odd…like insinuate that I wasn't going to tell Jimmy about the accident. This action caused Jimmy's face to turn from happy to me to “What did you do to my car!?” and promptly sent him RUNNING out the door to his car to frantically run circles around the Honda to inspect it. When he realized there was no damage he looked at me confused (I was still standing stunned in SGI wondering why my Prince Charming ran away from me). When I returned to the car he asked me what had happened. I just gave him my scowl and refrained from kicking him. I lost 10 points that run.

The third time I went (I know, why would I go a third time!??), I was 19 and this time they sent TWO instructors with me. I was concerned that word had gotten around about my dangerous driving so they had started a buddy system. Well, I was sooo nervous and still shaky from the second attempt I forgot how to speak English and read street signs. I lost 21 points and never went back again. Interesting enough, the second attempt yielded the best score. If only I hadn't slipped off of the brake and hit the gas while trying to park. Damn you sandals with no grip, damn you.