Incompatible Technology

I hate returning products of any type. Be it at a restaurant, a clothing store or a grocery store. I’d rather not be one of those people standing in line for my four dollar refund. I also hate being an asshole to people who are trying to help me. But…when it’s a $149.97 HDMI cord that doesn’t work with my cable provider I am less reluctant to ask for my (semi) hard earned money back…by all means necessary. Recently Jimmy and I concluded that $140,000 wasn’t enough debt to be in at this point and figured, ah what the hell let’s buy a Sharp Aquos 42” LCD 1080i T.V. The slimy salesman convinces us that we need this HDMI cord that he swears has a life time guarantee and we’ll never need another cord again. Fucking liar.
Thursday December 6, 2007. It’s dark by 5:06 when I get off of work. It’s the first time I haven’t had to work overtime in a month. It feels good. But before I can go home and settle in to my comfy pj’s we have to go to The Brick and take back that HDMI cord that certainly does not work with Sasktel’s HD package. I’m not switching cable providers so the only option is to take back the cord. While we’re there we agree to put $200 on the TV payment and then take the extra $149 and throw it on there as well for good measure. We had good intentions at least.
I walk up to the customer service counter. A friendly faced young woman approaches me and asks what she can do for me. Another woman with curly bleached blonde hair and denim that is too tight sits behind a computer peering over at me.
Amy: “Hi, we bought this HDMI cord with our TV here and it turns out that it does not work with Sasktel. The volume cuts in and out which makes watching anything difficult.”
Brick: “Oh, I’m sorry, we don’t take back any electronics that have been removed from the original packaging.”
Silence. What the fuck? Is the Brick devoid of logic? I continue to stare at her with my usual straight face that has been dubbed my “constipated look.”
Amy: “How would I know it didn’t work unless I took it out of the packaging?”
Brick: “I know, I’m sorry but that’s store policy.”
Amy: “What, no. You can’t stand there and tell me that I spent $150 on a cord that YOUR guy said would work and now I get nothing for it. Look, I get that you don’t make the rules but this is ridiculous. How could I possibly have known that Sasktel HD wasn’t compatible?”
Brick: Looks concerned over at her counterpart who remains seated behind her computer. Blonde Curls eyes me up suspiciously. Right lady, like I’m really trying to pull a big scam on the Brick…with my proof of purchase and all.
BC: “I don’t mean to be rude but I’m stingy with my money and if I were going to make that kind of purchase I’d make sure it worked before I bought it.”
I may have made a face at her that said “cunt” but I’d never say it aloud. I hate that word. Jimmy shifts uneasily. He senses I am losing my usual calm demeanour. He knows what happens when I do. I take an exasperated breath.
Amy: “Your salesman told me I could use it to tie my trunk shut and it would still work.”
BC: “Alright we’ll give you store credit that you have to spend tonight.”
Frown. Fuck it. I’m tired and I’m not getting anywhere with this. I can’t state my point any further. New digital camera it is. We wander over to pick one out. 7.2 Mega pixel Sony Cyber-Shot. Good. Now we need a guy who has a key so we can get out of here. I find a guy; he’s busy with a couple who are indecisive over whether or not to buy a 52” Plasma. The guy is itching to buy the TV right then and there. The salesman is feeding off of the husband’s anxiousness. The woman however, goddamn women, she thinks everything is too big and too expensive. Time is sliding by me. I’m getting warm in my scarf, winter jacket and several layers of clothing. I’m also growing increasingly angry at the woman. Just pick one. Pick one. Pick one. Pick one. Pick one. Pick one. Pick one. Pick one!
“Well, we don’t possibly have the time to decide on this tonight. We’ll have to come back on a Saturday. Thanks for your help.”
Are you kidding me? What a terrible wife. I bet she’s a tease in other aspects of their marriage too. What a bag. I’m irritated. I don’t even give enough personal space for them to pass by me before I swoop in and steal the slime ball salesman. It only took us 45 minutes to find a salesman who took 10 minutes to find a key that unlocked the digital cameras. I don’t often complain about shitty customer service because I think it makes me sound old and bitter…but I can honestly say The Brick has one of the worst customer service systems I’ve ever been a part of.