Electrical Dysfunction PT 2: Pillow Talk

Sometimes talking stuffed animals seem like a good idea but in reality they're really quite useless and eventually lose their novelty. There are two types of talking toys: ones that have pre-recorded sayings and those that you can record your own "special" messages on. I just happen to have one of each and a story to go along with them. Weird how that works out.

Avon Teddy Bear

At first the Talking Avon Teddy Bear Jimmy gave me as a gift seemed cute and innocent enough. We would make funny recordings over an over to make each other laugh. We never would have guessed that it would be used for evil. Shortly after I had moved out of my parent’s place (due to the great flood of ‘03) I had a few friends over to see my very first apartment. One of those friends was David K. Now, Dave is a boy of few limits and since we had all practically grown up together (we've been friends since we were 14) the only way for me to describe our friendship would be to say he is the lovable but annoying little brother that I never had (even though he is a year older than me). He is also very sneaky and that particular day he felt the need to play one of his innocent hilarious pranks on me. Only, I would not know about it until after he and the rest of my friends left that day.

Later that night out of nowhere in the darkness of my room at approximately 3:30 a.m. I hear Dave’s voice say in a creepy, sultry tone say “No, no Amy, don’t cry.” I immediately jumped out of bed to turn on the light to look around. My heart was beating so fast and in the confusion of just being startled awake I couldn’t process information properly so I blurted out “DAVE!?” as if I thought he were hiding in my room. Then, as I slowly walked towards my bed it caught my eye – the Avon Teddy Bear which was usually placed on the my made bed and pushed to the side at night. I pressed the hand to replay the message and sure enough “No, no Amy, don’t cry.” came out of the inanimate object that was supposed to be cute gift from my high school sweetheart…but had now been turned into practical joke. I must have bumped it while I was sleeping causing it to replay his creepy message. When I called him the next day to tell him he was an ass he laughed for about 20 minutes straight. Apparently the fact that I was sleeping and it woke me up was an added bonus to his clever scheme. From then on I had to hide the bear when ever he came over because just like a cat, he’d wait for me to look away then sneak in to where he knew he wasn’t allowed to be.

Tickle Me Elmo

Tickle Me Elmo was a phenomenon that I felt I needed to be in on. So for Christmas one year Jimmy bought me the “Special Edition” Tickle Me Elmo (by now you have concluded that we are not the “flowers & candy” couple). Elmo sat next to the Avon Bear…until the tragic flood of '03. He was washed away in the water main break that flooded the connecting basement apartment my parents rented (basically two apartments joined together by a staircase allowing for me to have my own apartment but still connected to their unit…for free). When I arrived home to find all of my belongings under a foot of water I immediately picked floating Elmo out of the water hoping to save him from drowning but it was too late. The damage had been done - he would sputter distorted demonic words and shake like he was having a seizure and eventually stopped working all together.

Two years later in the middle of the night (it’s always in the middle of the night) he came back to life. “Elmo wants you to play.”

I opened one eye to look over at the corner where Elmo had sat silently for so long. I am not sure if I was dreaming or if Elmo just spoke. I closed my eye again and started drifting back to sleep.

“Okay, tickle Elmo later.”
This time I opened both eyes to stare at the red fluff ball and his googley eyes with his mocking perma-smile. I could have sworn I left him turned off.

“Okay, tickle Elmo later.”

“Yeah, I heard you the first time.” I say. I toss my blankets aside, turn on my bedside lamp and put my glasses on. I sit on the edge of my bed daring him to speak again. He stared back at me motionless. A few more minutes pass by before I end the staring contest. I settle back in to bed and turn off the light. Elmo and I have not exchanged words since that night.