How to Coil a Vacuum Cord: A Step by Step Instruction

Disclaimer: I am not saying that all CFL Players are intellectually challenged just the ones I have had to encounter.

Alright, so I know that CFL season will be starting soon and while this is of little interest to me….apparently some of you are anticipating its arrival. So I thought I would share my co-habitation experience that I had with several of your beloved players. The apartment Jimmy & I used to live in also rented out to the RoughRiders who were from the USA. This particular group was from Florida. Anyway, we lived across the hall from one of the players, another down the hall and the third was one floor up. The one across the hall had taken a liking to my…uh…22 year old “ghetto booty”. He was at our door ALL the time asking to borrow things or help me carry in groceries…even if Jimmy was with me.

One particular instance on a Friday night I had about 10 guests over enjoying the warm summer evening playing video/card games and talking. Then there was a knock at the door. I thought “ugh I bet we’re being too loud…” Since the man next door to us was totally CRAZY and liked to barge in our place yelling and screaming at us even in the afternoons when Jimmy home alone playing Halo or Mario Kart – I had assumed he was complaining again. But that’s a different story. So our place goes quiet as I creep to the door and peer out the peep hole (our friends had also witnessed Mr. Crazy from next door so they knew to be quiet in case it was him). Instead, it’s the guy from across the hall and two girls (I called them his groupies - one of which I think still works here). I open the door and give him my famous “Question-mark” face.

He smiles bashfully and then looks around me to peer into my apartment to see what I have going on in there and then leans on the door frame to get an even better look. Rude, I think to myself. “Hi?”

“Hey, yeah, sorry to bother you but, uh, can I use your vacuum? I spilled some chips all over my floor and it's a big damn mess now.”

One of the groupies giggles and the other one is staring at me (might even have been the stink eye but I didn’t pay much attention). At this point I don't know that all three of them need to be standing here in the hallway requesting a vacuum. “Sure.” I say as I close my door partially to get my vacuum out of the closet….and make a face at my friends. I hand him my tiny Wal-Mart-special vacuum. “Here you go. No rush to bring it back.” What I meant by that was "If I never see it again no worries…." He thanks me and they go back to his unit. When I close the door my friends are just as confused as I am by this strange social encounter.

A few minutes later a knock at the door quiets us again. I look out and he has returned, vacuum in hand (well not quite, the giggly groupie was holding it). I open the door and make the motion of accepting my vacuum back except she is not handing it over. He looks bashful again and says “Oh man. I think I broke it.”

Eyebrow raise. “What?”

“I can’t get the cord back in. I tried for like ten minutes to push it back in but it doesn't work.”

I am too transparent. My face has "You're dumb" written all over it. I look at him and then at the two girls. Between the three of them they couldn’t figure this out? I force myself to smile politely and push the button on the vacuum that has a PICTURE OF THE CORD on it (there are two buttons the Power button and the Cord button - we're not talking about a complicated appliance here). The cord snaps and winds up back into place. He claps his hands in amusement and says “Ah see! I knew there was a trick to it! Thanks again!” And then they all shuffle back to his unit.

This time when I close the door all of my friends burst out into laugher. They thought my awkwardness was most amusing.

During his stay there he also stopped by for the following reasons:

- Pancake Syrup (he had a beer cup with him to put the syrup in – I just gave him the Aunt Jemima bottle. When he returned he explained the pattern in which he applied the syrup).
-To see if I had hot water because his dishes were piling up(there were notes all over stating that the entire building was shut off and when I told him I had been boiling water in pots to wash dishes he stated “Ah no way, I am not that desperate yet.”)
-As I was unloading laundry from the dryer (bent over) in the shared laundry facility he and his friends walked by me and made the most vile and crude man-grunts I have ever heard to date. I stood up quickly and mighty embarassed. I may have even hidden around the corner until I heard them go inside their apartment.
- To donate a toaster he no longer wanted (I was not home for this exchange; Jimmy said that he was pumped to give us a "thank you" gift).


I don't think this particular guy is even on the RoughRiders team any more but I am still not going to mention his name...just in case.

Oh, P.S. Don Narcisse used to live there years and years ago (like when I was 10)…I once helped him move in (by holding the door open so he could carry in his TV).